Having a new job is hard. Don't get me wrong: it's a great job. But, after 8.5 years at Gensler, the change is surprising. It's like a shock to the system. It's like rebuilding some part of my brain. The net effect of the change is that I feel fuzzy. Nothing feels sharp or definite. I'm moving, I'm talking, I'm meeting new people, I think I'm sometimes saying smart things. But I don't feel like I'm all here. I'm not sure what to look at. It's all so new.
I'm not used to this at all, and I keep telling myself that it will pass. At Gensler, I felt like I had developed a sharp acuity to slice through any vagueness around me and to make sense of things. Now I feel like I am the vagueness that needs to be clarified. While I'm thinking about making recommendations for changes in the way that Perkins Eastman markets itself, I need to be careful to recommend changes that are objectively necessary, not just things that would make me more comfortable (as in, things that are more like the way Gensler works) or things that are driven by some other arbitrary personal preference. It's tough because I am, of course, drawn to things that feel right, that are comfortable for me. I'm very aware of this conflict, and I think it contributes to the fuzziness.
If I were the kind of person who did not allow my own perspective to be changed by new information or the local context, this wouldn't bug me, and I wouldn't feel as fuzzy. But I want to understand how Perkins Eastman works, so I'm very open to what's going on, and trying to learn as much as I can as fast as I can. And the net result is the fuzziness.
I had lunch this week with a friend who has also recently changed jobs, and she knew exactly what I was talking about. This was very comforting, as I don't think I would have understood it if somebody had told me about "new job fuzziness" two months ago, while I was still at Gensler. It's tough to understand if you aren't going through it. If your world, your context, is more or less set, if you aren't in the process of redefining who you are and what the rules are of your life, then you aren't fuzzy.
I'm changing as I settle in to my new role at Perkins Eastman, and the fact that I am changing is what makes me feel fuzzy. Once it passes, it means that I am finished redefining myself for the most part, and that I am once again the center of my own, relatively coherent universe.
Hello David,
I met you in Salem at the SMPS New England Regional Conference. At the time you were getting ready to start hiring for Perkins Eastman. Now I see on the firm's site that you're doing it. Great - and good luck. And finally, the fuzziness? It should last six months!
Posted by: Karen E | June 18, 2007 at 02:10 PM